This was written after The Good Place finale (02/2020). The writer has decided to publish this later. As this was the reflection of the writer at the time, some may or may not be relevant today.
Let’s have a toast for the series finale of The Good Place before you read this.
This won’t be a review thus you may expect minimal spoiler in case you have not seen it. The show has given me so many things to ponder on and I just decided to write a few eye-opening things that came to mind. Also, if you have had serious suicidal thoughts or recent loss, this may trigger something as I will be talking about death and my views around it.
-
The premise of the show is all about what happens after we die? How should we live on earth? The series follows characters who had to discover newfound wisdom on life, then facing challenges on how to improve the system because surprisingly, the system of how the universe works still has flaws. All that revolves around three places: the earth, the Bad Place, and the Good Place. The Good Place, is like what the name suggests, is good — it guarantees all the things that you can be rewarded for your actions, and everything that you wanted before you leave the world.
The anything-could-happen concept may sound like the perfect after-life but in the final season, we come to terms that something good has to end; there is still impermanence. The show concluded that existence, even in The Good Place, is still a choice. Everyone in the Good Place can decide if they want it to be over: what makes life meaningful is because it will end someday.
This is a principle that is fundamental to Buddhist teachings, one that I have carried for years. Life is not permanent. This is one of many philosophies that the show brought to life beautifully in the final scene that features two of the main characters, Chidi and Eleanor. Chidi, the all-knowing ethics professor who used to be extremely indecisive about everything because he worries about consequences, is now completely certain to when he wants to cease to exist. He calmly reassures Eleanor, whom he has spent time together for lifetimes, or as the show calls it, many Jeremy Bearimys — a time measure unit in the afterlife, which is really really really long, by saying this
“Picture a wave. In the ocean. You can see it, measure it, its height, the way the sunlight refracts when it passes through. And it’s there. And you can see it, you know what it is. It’s a wave. And then it crashes in the shore and it’s gone. But the water is still there. The wave was just a different way for the water to be, for a little while. You know it’s one conception of death for Buddhists: the wave returns to the ocean, where it came from, and where it’s supposed to be.”
I have had this thought for quite a while — it just did not occur in one night. The show’s finale just put the pieces down together. So I have been reflecting on so many things about the reason why I have felt that it is alright to leave — it may sound like I am already giving up at this point, but hear me out first.
Whenever you’re ready.
So I have already imagined how my death will be because being the slight control freak that I’ve been, I had the location, rundown, and other details thought through. I have felt it is like meeting an old friend and you have been anticipating it. I have never intended to “preserve myself” anyway; I barely take care of my body by not eating greens, and throughout the years, it became not just only because I did not like it, because I just did not want to benefit from it. Need I remind you that I did not take a single photo of myself when I went on a school trip to Lombok at 8th grade while I took 1,000 photos of everything else because I just did not intend to “keep” myself in memories. I wanted to be able to actually vanish and that seems like a perfect level of control over my life, and now I am just in awe with a couple of people I know from school have been able to reset and start anew with their whole selves. If anyone asks, what is the life I envision after 40, 60, or 70, I do not have a single idea? I have repressed this, just like with a thousand other things in my life, but now I have been puzzled why is that so?
It may have been because there are things that aren’t many things reserved for people like me. To this day, there are still limits that other people have put towards.
It may have been because my self-esteem and image issues have already piled up too massively I can no longer see that it is still there.
It may have been because I have not felt like a good use at all. So keeping me is kind of a waste of time.
It may have been because I have finally established meaningful connections, even with just a few people, which I have longed for. And that is just enough.
It may have been because I have felt that there are things in life that I am already so grateful for that I do not have to seek more. One may find it unmotivated or still searching for meaning in life. Or lost. There is the probability that I may have not reached the stress level that would give me that flight or fight response yet. It is a valid point — but what I am emphasizing is that I like the sensation of having something completed and be at peace.
So maybe it may have been because I am afraid that I will not be able to feel the same sensation again someday, so I had better finish it while it’s good. Not to overdo it.
Or, maybe this is me coming to terms that my youth is almost over — it’s in the past, I have done what I did, and it is time to be in a new skin and environment.
All these are just thoughts that I have had. My mind and heart went on this very long journey to process how my life has been — how my views and value come about.
