“Why do you keep trying to hide under your mask? Even all the scars from your mistakes make up your constellation.”— BTS
I did not expect that to come out of an aspiring hip-hop K-pop group that came out of nowhere in 2013. Many people and I have discovered the magic of BTS. In my case, I was a bit late — I learned about BTS after their Jimmy Fallon performance in September 2018, then I started to be crazy about them since their SNL performance last April 2019. By that time, BTS was already a global record-breaking superstar, especially breaking the mold of the very tight “manufactured” industry in their home country. They have been looked down upon but how they capture the youth experience in all their works has allowed them to thrive and reach out to more people across the globe.
The lyric above was from “Answer: Love Myself”, a beautiful conclusion to their “Love Yourself” series which consists of three albums, reflecting on their introduction to love that gives you euphoria, the experience of heartbreak, and the eventual epiphany that it is us all along that we should love.
In this post, I shared that I had never really thought about life after 50 years. I was just dealing with so many issues and thoughts that somehow it stopped my vision from going further than the 20s or even the 30s. This might have grown because of what has been happening in my life — self-esteem and regret being some of them.
I thought I had done enough counting for my blessings but there is still a lot of work to do. I thought I was already strong enough, but I could be stronger, just enough for the next big wave to hit.
And I need to forgive myself.
Loving myself might be harder than loving someone else.
Let’s admit that the standards I made are more strict for myself.
The thick tree rings in your life, it’s part of you, it’s you.
Now let’s forgive ourselves.
Our lives are long, trust yourself when in a maze.
When winter passes, spring always comes.
To say that this has saved me is an understatement. I have been dwelling up in the past a lot. It is not something that I am still learning how to let go of.
The magic of the “Bulletproof Boy Scouts” who debuted with the goal to protect youth from harsh society expectations, lies within their genuine story-telling. Suga speaks about his depression and love for his childhood piano (“First Love”). J-hope speaks about his mother’s blessing for him to pursue dance (“MAMA”). V speaks about his grandmother and taking photos to preserve memories. As a group, they speak about the oppression (“Not Today”, “Spring Breaker”), loss (“Spring Day”), identity struggle (“Baepsae”), and the cost of fame. I have never felt this resonated with the whole body of work; from their School trilogy, The Most Beautiful Moment in Life (HYYH), Wings, You Never Walk Alone (YNWA), and Love Yourself series. These are just the 10 years of my life that I now can look at and embrace like the thick growth ring in a tree.
They all pulled me out from the place I was in the previous post.
With me learning more about their works and stories, they have shown me and a million others that we all have reasons to love ourselves.
To say that, yes, I have that beauty.
Knowing that is setting me on the path to loving myself.
It’s what I need the most.
I’m walking for myself, it’s an action needed for me.
My attitude towards myself, that’s the happiness I need for me.
I’ll show you what I got. I’m not afraid because it’s me.
Love myself.
is the reason why BTS has been so successful in reaching out to people and why many others have gained the strength to move on.
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The same month they performed at Jimmy Fallon, they spoke at the UN General Assembly. The f*cking general assembly. It was unprecedented. That moment is now considered to be one of BTS’s pinnacles.
“…I would look up at the night sky in wonder and dream the dreams of a boy. I used to imagine that I was a superhero, saving the world. In an intro to one of our early albums, there is a line that says, “My heart stopped…I was maybe nine or ten. Looking back, that’s when I began to worry about what other people thought of me and started seeing myself through their eyes. I stopped looking up at the stars at night. I stopped daydreaming. I tried to jam myself into molds that other people made. Soon, I began to shut out my own voice and started to listen to the voices of others. No one called out my name, and neither did I. My heart stopped and my eyes closed shut. So, like this, I, we, all lost our names. We became like ghosts. I had one sanctuary, and that was music. There was a small voice in me that said, ‘Wake up, man, and listen to yourself!’ But it took me a long time to hear music calling my name. Even after making the decision to join BTS, there were hurdles. Most people thought we were hopeless. Sometimes, I just wanted to quit. I think I was very lucky that I didn’t give it all up. I’m sure that I, and we, will keep stumbling and falling. We have become artists performing in huge stadiums and selling millions of albums. But I am still an ordinary, twenty-four-year-old guy. If there’s anything that I’ve achieved, it was only possible because I had my other BTS members by my side, and because of the love and support of our ARMY fans. Maybe I made a mistake yesterday, but yesterday’s me is still me. I am who I am today, with all my faults. Tomorrow I might be a tiny bit wiser, and that’s me, too. These faults and mistakes are what I am, making up the brightest stars in the constellation of my life. I have come to love myself for who I was, who I am, and who I hope to become. I would like to say one last thing. After releasing the ‘Love Yourself’ albums and launching the ‘Love Myself’ campaign, we started to hear remarkable stories from our fans all over the world, how our message helped them overcome their hardships in life and start loving themselves. These stories constantly remind us of our responsibility. So, let’s all take one more step. We have learned to love ourselves, so now I urge you to ‘speak yourself.’ I would like to ask all of you. What is your name? What excites you and makes your heart beats? Tell me your story. I want to hear your voice, and I want to hear your conviction. No matter who you are, where you’re from, your skin color, gender identity: speak yourself. Find your name, find your voice by speaking yourself.”* My name is Owren. Like most people, I made many mistakes in my life. “I have many faults and I have many fears, but I am going to embrace myself as hard as I can, and I’m starting to love myself, little by little.”
